“Do you want to go get a coffee?” I want a coffee. I want to have a chat with you. I want a date with you.
“I had a nightmare on Friday.” I had a really bad dream on Friday night. Friday itself was awful.
“Don’t come unless you really want to.” Come, but only if you really want to. Please please please come. Please please please don’t come.
“It’s at 10.” We need to arrive before it starts at 10. We need to arrive at some point after 10. We need to arrive somewhere else entirely for pre-drinks at 9, and I have no idea what’s happening after that.
“This is against the rules.” This is against the rules. This is technically against the rules, but everyone does it and literally nobody cares – I mean, I’m only a sign, I can’t stop you – just use commonsense and don’t do anything dangerous, disruptive or harmful to others.
“I’d hate me if I were you.” If I had problems interpreting neurotypical language like you, I’d be really annoyed at me because I’m sometimes unclear and don’t say what I mean. Quick, reassure me that you don’t hate me. I think we’re a bit of a mismatch and you should direct your affections elsewhere.
“BYOB.” Bring your own booze. Bring your own beverage, whatever that may be. Bring your own booze, but if you just want soft drinks, we have those already; they’re supposed to be mixers, but nobody will mind if you drink them on their own. Also bring cups. We have cups, you don’t need to bring those.
“I’ll just wait for everyone to settle down…” Quite a few people are still arriving and/or doing other things, so I’ll wait a few seconds until they’re finished. You there, the one that’s just arrived and is still ordering her diet coke, hurry up and sit down.
“Oh, you came, thanks so much!” Thank you so much for coming. What are you doing here?! YOU ACTUALLY CARE!! You’re creepy.
“Do you want to go get a coffee?” I want a coffee. We haven’t had the chance to talk in a while and I want to catch up. You asked me on a date a while back and this is me reciprocating.
(Inspired by this Dinah The Aspie Dinosaur comic, and also by my own cluelessness)