Feminist Aspie

Lost In Translation

on February 13, 2015

“Do you want to go get a coffee?” I want a coffee. I want to have a chat with you. I want a date with you.

“I had a nightmare on Friday.” I had a really bad dream on Friday night. Friday itself was awful.

“Don’t come unless you really want to.” Come, but only if you really want to. Please please please come. Please please please don’t come.

“It’s at 10.” We need to arrive before it starts at 10. We need to arrive at some point after 10. We need to arrive somewhere else entirely for pre-drinks at 9, and I have no idea what’s happening after that.

“This is against the rules.” This is against the rules. This is technically against the rules, but everyone does it and literally nobody cares – I mean, I’m only a sign, I can’t stop you – just use commonsense and don’t do anything dangerous, disruptive or harmful to others.

“I’d hate me if I were you.” If I had problems interpreting neurotypical language like you, I’d be really annoyed at me because I’m sometimes unclear and don’t say what I mean. Quick, reassure me that you don’t hate me. I think we’re a bit of a mismatch and you should direct your affections elsewhere.

“BYOB.” Bring your own booze. Bring your own beverage, whatever that may be.  Bring your own booze, but if you just want soft drinks, we have those already; they’re supposed to be mixers, but nobody will mind if you drink them on their own. Also bring cups. We have cups, you don’t need to bring those.

“I’ll just wait for everyone to settle down…” Quite a few people are still arriving and/or doing other things, so I’ll wait a few seconds until they’re finished. You there, the one that’s just arrived and is still ordering her diet coke, hurry up and sit down.

“Oh, you came, thanks so much!” Thank you so much for coming. What are you doing here?! YOU ACTUALLY CARE!! You’re creepy.

“Do you want to go get a coffee?” I want a coffee. We haven’t had the chance to talk in a while and I want to catch up. You asked me on a date a while back and this is me reciprocating.

(Inspired by this Dinah The Aspie Dinosaur comic, and also by my own cluelessness)

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3 responses to “Lost In Translation

  1. A Nonymous says:

    So, so, so close to the bone. In some ways I’m reassured it’s not just me.

    When I meet one of my male friends for coffee, I can be pretty sure it’s a couple of guys having coffee and generally being sociable.

    When I meet one of my female friends for coffee it might be two people having coffee and generally being sociable. There’s also the possibility that she thinks it’s a date, or that I think it’s a date and that she doesn’t, or that she might think that I think it’s a date…

    I’ve got this wrong a little too often (understatement!).

    Then there is the phrase “my boyfriend”.
    This can mean:
    * “My boyfriend came up in conversation.”
    * “Just in case you have romantic inclinations, forget them, but you seem like an interesting guy who might make a good friend.”
    * “**** off you ****ing creepy *******!!!”

    Allistics are presumably capable of reading the Secret Signs that let them know what is going on in any situation, but you can guarantee we will get into no end of trouble for getting it wrong.

    It’s not just you.

  2. Thank you! The subject of this particular coffee confusion kept bringing up past dating fails and/or exes (mainly in the context of those dating fails) and that sounds relevant at first, except I was told that was an absolute no-no on a date (because it sounds like you’re making comparisons) whereas in a casual coffee between friends, it’s just a few funny stories which are totally acceptable.

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