Feminist Aspie

Just Keep Quiet

(This entire post is heavily sarcastic. The whole thing. Sarcasm, sarcasm everywhere. Content warning: victim-blaming, rape, rape culture)

Everyone knows that dissent and objection are tactless, impolite and of course completely unladylike. Don’t be so bitchy, just keep quiet.

It’s just one little thing anyway, let it go, you’re over-reacting. Lack of media representation? Look, there’s already that one film with a well-written female protagonist. You’re over-reacting. Imbalance in the division of domestic duties? Hey, they already do that one thing. You’re over-reacting. Constant street harassment? Anyone else would have taken it as a compliment. You’re over-reacting. I mean, women already have the vote, what more do you want? You’re over-reacting. Always over-reacting, silly emotional irrational shrill feminists, always trying to be offended. Wait, somebody neglected to preface the word “men” with the word “some” in a spur-of-the-moment sentence or within the confines of a 140 character tweet? See! Told you *soooooome* feminists are just man-haters. Not over-reacting. It’s also worth noting that whilst objecting to misogynistic music videos is yet another example of ridiculous irrational feminist over-reacting (it’s just a video, after all), objecting to feminist role-reversal parodies of such videos is perfectly acceptable. Obviously.

And while you’re over-reacting, it’s imperative to reassure that of course I don’t mean youbecause everyone knows that questioning someone’s words or behaviour is exactly the same as judging them completely as a whole. Besides, they’re family, they’re friends, they’re colleagues, they know you, they’re allowed to make fun of you, your race, your gender, your sexuality, your disability. And besides, it’s only a jokeCan’t you take a joke? Typical humourless feminists. Hahahaha, it’s funny because the butt of our joke is angry. Sticks and stones will break your bones but words will never hurt you, and all that. Besides, pointing out the oppressive force behind those jokes, those words, those actions, might upset them. It might anger them. Good little girls put the feelings of others before their own, so just keep quiet.

You’ve got to let them down gently. Don’t say “no” directly, you’ve got to have tact. Besides, you led him on, you were wearing revealing clothing, you flirted with him, you were out late at night, you’re in a relationship, you’ve consented before, it would be unreasonable and unladylike to say anything now. Best to just keep quiet.

Besides, you already nag too much. Nag nag nag, whine whine whine, moan moan moan, whinge whinge whinge, it’s all women ever do, huh, am I right, am I right? It’s so unfair that you can’t even be horrendously sexist these days without those shrill nagging women standing up for themselves! Freedom of speech! Just keep quiet! FREEDOM OF SPEECH! JUST KEEP QUIET!

…See, the silly irrational feminists don’t realise that women only have themselves to blame for inequality. They’re just not assertive enough.

I can’t imagine why.


The stimlist needs your help

This is an *awesome* idea, and if it gets a lot of entries it could be a really useful resource. So, yeah, submit as many stims as you can think of!


A couple of days ago, I wrote a blog post about stimming and why I’d always thought I didn’t stim.

In that post, I added a survey so people could list their own stims. Autistic stims, but also ADHD stims, OCD stims, Tourette stims, manic stims, depressed stims, stressed stims, and any other stim you can think of.

The response has been overwhelming. Over 250 stims have been added so far, with more coming in every day.

Have a look at the responses so far.

So. This is big. And I want to make it even bigger. Because perfectionism, right?

But I can’t do it alone (argh!). I need your help.

Please post a link to the stimming survey on your blog, Facebook page, Twitter feed, Google+ circle, Tumblr, or Pinterest. Or link to this post. Comment on other blogs. Spread the word.

We’re doing this for everyone who’s ever…

View original post 76 more words


No More

(CW: Ableism, murder, abuse)

14-year-old Issy Stapleton is currently fighting for her life after her mother tried to gas her in a car. Her own mother. Another autistic person taken before their time by the people we’re supposed to trust the most.

But you can imagine the slant the media are taking. They don’t see Issy as a person, but a burden. A problem to be solved. “Broken”. Again.

Reports of abusive “high intensity treatment” forcing Issy into meltdowns. Then these meltdowns being used to build the “burden” narrative. Again and again and again.

People comparing a 14-year-old attempted murder victim to Adam Lanza purely because they share a neurotype. Okay, so we’re violent burdens. Yet again.

This idea that all autistic children who lash out are better off dead. It’s not on. It’s really not on.

I’m thinking “Could have been me.” “Could have been my ex.” “Could have been all those people online.” Could have been so many people.

Same old story. Again, and again, and again.

On Tumblr today I saw “stop generalising neurotypicals, we don’t all hate you!” The feminists reading this should find that sentence structure very familiar indeed. If that’s your response to a murderous hate crime, you really need to sort your priorities out.

No more.

This fucked-up rhetoric that it’s better to be dead than autistic, the more general rhetoric that it’s better to be dead than disabled, needs to stop.

The near-total exclusion of autistic people from the conversation about our own neurology needs to stop.

Treating human beings as anything less than just that – human beings – needs to stop.

Just… all of it. All of this. No more.


“Rape is bad” and other things I assumed would be REALLY OBVIOUS.

(Content warning: Discussion of rape and victim-blaming)

  • Rape is bad. Everyone with me so far? Are we all in agreement on this? Yes? Good. We’ve got this far, at least.
  • Rape is caused by rapists. In other words, if the rapist didn’t rape, the victim wouldn’t have been raped. If rapists just stopped raping people, people would no longer be raped. Still making sense?
  • Therefore, rape is not caused by any of the following: Being outside late at night, being outside alone, being outside in certain areas (many of which are totally unavoidable), being outside at all, having a lot of sex, not having a lot of sex, clothing choices, alcohol consumption, being conventionally attractive, etc, etc, etc. Firstly, if rapists ceased to exist, all the above “causes” couldn’t actually cause people to be raped.  In short, rape is never the victim’s fault. Secondly, many people somehow avoid all those “causes” yet still suffer rape because, well, they encountered a rapist. Consequently, the answer is not “just avoid dark streets at night”, especially as a lot of people can’t.
  • In fact, around 90% of rapes are committed by someone known to the victim. So the solution isn’t “get a man to protect you” either, as many of the perpetrators are the very men who are meant to “protect” their victims; that rhetoric is not only false, it’s actually dangerous. Also, men can be raped tooand “you should have been accompanied by a man to protect you” is even more massively illogical when the person you’re talking to, the victim, is a man himself.
  • This should be so obvious it frankly needs its own bullet point: Rape is not caused by the victim being unable to fight off the rapist. If the rapist didn’t attack to begin with, the victim wouldn’t have to try and defend themselves. The rape is caused by the rapist. No one should be expected to fight off rapists all the time, let alone be blamed if the fight-back is unsuccessful. In fact, a lack of “fighting back” doesn’t necessarily mean consent; for example, not resisting due to fear is not true consent.
  • Joking about rape is really, really harmful; many of these jokes attempt to excuse rape, many make light of the physical and psychological damage to rape survivors, and all perpetuate a culture in which rape is “a fact of life”, normalised, even expected. Also, you never know who’s in your audience – in 2012 alone in the UK, 473,000 adults were victims of sexual offences, and that “harmless” joke could trigger flashbacks and other negative effects in any of them.
  • It is entirely possible to have a sense of humour that does not involve joking about rape (or anything else that can massively trigger people). Most people manage this with no problems at all. Standing up to people who joke about rape (etc) is absolutely not the same as “making men walk on eggshells” because a.) it’s really easy to not joke about rape, you just *don’t joke about rape* and b.) again, most men do not joke about rape or even think that would be okay. The same can be applied to the idea of being against sexist jokes generally “making men walk on eggshells”, being against racist jokes “making white people walk on eggshells”, etc, etc. That’s not how it works at all.
  • In fact, you know what is “making people walk on eggshells”? Making them scared to go out at night, or go out at all, or drink, or wear what they want, because if they happen to encounter a rapist they will be blamed for the rapist’s actions. In other words, victim blaming. And it has to stop.

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