(TW: Rape, rape apologism, victim-blaming, an ableist slur, fat-shaming, body policing, and everything else along those lines.)
So, I haven’t blogged for a while. That wasn’t a deliberate thing, I’m just really bad (or good?) at procrastination. However, this had me running straight to the laptop. (MAJOR TW in that link for all the stuff mentioned above) It seems to be from an MRA site (I haven’t dared to look around, or look at the comments) and its point seems to be “Women like rape, it makes them feel attractive to men”… You can see where this is going.
Here’s a quote from near the start of the article (after what sounds scarily like a description of a rape):
“I already knew at 21 what feminists have been trying desperately to convince the world isn’t true… women, most all of them, want to be sexually dominated.
End of fucking story, everything else is bullshit.”
Firstly, women are not a hive mind. Just like men, women like and dislike different things. It’s not rocket science. Secondly, and I can’t stress this enough, there is a HUGE difference between rape and sex with someone who enjoys submission: consent. During consensual sex involving domination/submission, the participants use safe words and/or other mechanisms to ensure everyone consents. Rape is sexual intercourse without consent. If they don’t consent, it’s rape, regardless of whether or not the victim enjoys submission, just as it’s rape regardless of whether or not the victim enjoys sex.
Here’s the evidence the writer uses to back up his claim:
“Any moron with the sixth grade reading skills required for a romance novel can tell you this. I’d wager good money there is not a single one of those books that doesn’t have at least one scene with a woman saying “no” ten times… In romance novels, that is the preamble to “happily ever after.””
<sarcasm> Oh, of course. Fiction! That definitely reflects real life! Right, where’s the TARDIS? I’m going back in time to stop whichever postal strike prevented me from getting my Hogwarts acceptance letter. </sarcasm>
Seriously, though, have you ever considered that it’s media which influences the public? There are loads of books/films/songs/etc which involve a woman saying “no” several times before eventually “giving in” and consenting. This is part of rape culture; this perpetuates rape culture. It isn’t a reflection of what women want (again, we’re not a hive mind), it’s a reflection of what society thinks women should want. I mean, you wouldn’t read the Daily Mail and think “Well, someone’s written it, so it must be true”. That’s the sort of logic that’s being applied here.
Then there’s the body policing. SlutWalk participants are described as “unfuckable”, and then there’s several paragraphs on what Andrea Dworkin looked like. Here are some, for want of a better word, “highlights”:
“The 300+ lb. basilisk of man-hate had a face big enough and pockmarked enough to be used to fake a lunar landing. Her body was roughly the size and shape of a small sperm whale… Dworkin’s problem wasn’t that she was raped. Her problem, and I mean all along, was that she wasn’t… Dworkin wanted to be raped, which in her mind meant being sexually desired.”
Ignoring the complete denial of Dworkin’s rape claim, which in all honesty I don’t know much about, I could rant here about how attractiveness is subjective, how everyone is attracted to different physical qualities, how nobody is truly “ugly” or “unfuckable”, how fat =/= unattractive, etc, etc, But frankly, that’s beside the point. Rape is about power, not attractiveness. Think about it. There’s so much body-policing and hypocrisy in the media nowadays that there probably isn’t a single person on Earth who meets all the “criteria” for being attractive in the eyes of the media.
Yet rape – and I can’t believe this still needs saying – is an actual thing that happens. It happens everywhere, all the time, to every type of person; including men, which the writer of this article seems to have forgotten. It happens to people who aren’t deemed “attractive” (which, let’s be honest, is pretty much everybody). And, by definition, it isn’t “asked for”.