I am autistic, and I’m sick of neurotypical privilege.
I’m sick of hearing that I and others like me can’t live a full life. We can, and we do. We just need a little help sometimes.
I’m sick of being told my experience isn’t real, that I’m just an attention-seeker or a special snowflake, or having those accusations directed at my parents.
I’m sick of the myth that vaccines cause autism. And even if that were true, I’m sick of people avoiding vaccinating their children because they’d rather they get ill or even die than be like me.
I’m sick of autism being compared to cancer and AIDS. The latter two are diseases which can and do kill. Autism is not.
I’m sick of hearing that autism is an “epidemic”. The reason that more people are diagnosed with autism now is that there is so much more awareness regarding autism. The numbers will probably continue to increase for a while, for that reason.
I’m sick of being told I have to pass for neurotypical to be liked and accepted by my peers. I have a great circle of friends who are really understanding and supportive. If people judge me for not being neurotypical, that says more about them than it does about me.
I’m sick of hearing that stimming is a bad thing. If it’s not hurting anybody, I don’t see what the problem is. And if rocking and flapping and twitching is what’s going to stop me having a meltdown, that’s what I’ll do. I’m sick of being told in one breath that you have to learn to cope and in the next breath that you can’t do that to cope.
I’m sick of being told not to scream after I’ve screamed at a sudden loud bang. Emphasis on the word sudden. It’s not like I thought about it and made a conscious choice to scream.
I’m sick of the people around me saying “Stop that, it’s embarassing” or “That must really annoy your friends” when it doesn’t. I’m especially sick of that under the guise of “We’re used to you, but other people…” when they seem to have more of a problem with it than other people.
I’m sick of all this driving me to a meltdown and then being told that that’s embarassing too.
I’m sick of “quiet hands”.
I’m sick of most of the “treatment” for autism being based on making people on the spectrum pass for neurotypical, rather than social skills or advocacy or something else that might actually solve some problems. I’m sick of living in a society in which the most important thing, above all else, is to comply.
I’m sick of conditioned compliance.
I’m sick of literally greeting people with apologies because of the constant fear that I’m screwing up, that I don’t know how to comply. Everyone who knows me is sick of it, too.
I’m sick of struggling to make minor decisions in public (like what to order for food) because there’s only one right answer, only one way to comply, and I’m sick of not believing people (at the time) when they tell me they really don’t mind what I choose. Again, everyone who knows me is sick of it. Everyone is sick of conditioned compliance, so it seems.
I’m sick of being spoken for.
I’m sick of all the media, the panels, all the publicity surrounding the autistic spectrum focusing on people who aren’t actually on the spectrum – the family, the friends, the “experts”, everyone but the person who knows what it’s like. I don’t want to attack all those people – they’re usually well-meaning and really want to help, and please keep fighting the good fight – but seriously, an all-male panel discussing sexism clearly isn’t a good idea, and I’m sick of people not seeing that an all-neurotypical panel discussing autism isn’t a good idea either. Especially when they don’t listen to people who are actually on the spectrum
I’m sick of not being listened to because I don’t have a child or another relative on the spectrum. I am autistic. Is that not enough?
I’m sick of being treated like a child.
I’m sick of people telling me I’m “not really autistic” because I’m not like another autistic person they know. It’s called a spectrum for a reason. This counts double when they’re a child; if I’m a lot older than them, of course I’m going to be more able with some aspects of life, autism or no autism. Nowadays, I rarely have public meltdowns and I can follow the major social rules (e.g. personal space), but I’m sick of people assuming this also applies to my childhood. It doesn’t.
I’m especially sick of the above when the person telling me I’m “not autistic enough” isn’t on the spectrum themselves. How is it logical that I’m “not autistic enough” to know what I’m talking about, but you’re qualified when you’re not autistic at all?
I’m sick of functioning labels and the assumptions they carry with them.
I’m sick of the assumption that people who are verbal are “high-functioning” and people who are non-verbal are “low-functioning”.
I’m sick of people on the spectrum being told they’re either too “high-functioning” to know what they’re talking about, or too “low-functioning” to know what they’re talking about.
I’m sick of worrying that people won’t understand my needs because I’m apparently “high-functioning”. Similarly, I’m sick of the potential of other people on the spectrum being ignored because they’re apparently “low-functioning”.
I’m sick of being told that Asperger’s syndrome isn’t “really autism”. I’d imagine that people with PDD-NOS are sick of being told the same about that.
I’m sick of the constant thought that one day, there might be a pill or an injection that could wipe out people like me, that could turn me into the norm, that could make me comply, that wouldn’t care that most of my personality is eradicated along with it.
I’m sick of being told I’m selfish for not wanting such a cure, and that the people telling me I do need a cure are somehow not selfish.
Autism isn’t a sickness. Neurotypical privilege is.
Yes to all of this. I’m so glad you wrote something long and brilliant. It feels like a manifesto.
This sentence especially hit me hard: “I’m sick of being told in one breath that you have to learn to cope and in the next breath that you can’t do that to cope.”
There are a lot of ‘damned if you do and damned if you don’t’ experiences that come with being autistic and it get so damned exhausting being constantly pushed to choose the lesser of two perceived evils.
Thank you so much!
It’s certainly been a long time coming; I’ve wanted to write about this sort of thing for a while, but all my other posts have been about feminism so I wasn’t sure about randomly changing the subject 
However, I guess I had to in the end!
Haha, I see what you mean by lesser of two evils. I’ve had many times that have resulted in option three – meltdown – and been told off for that too. XD
Hi, have you looked into the concept of “epistemic injustice”? Using this as a lense, feminism and ASD can be viewed as having a similar philosophical foundation.
Will need to look into that at some point. Thank you!
I agree with everything!
As someone who (unknowingly) tried to pass as neurotypical all my life, leaving me physically and mentally exhausted from all the pretending and internalising, I have to deal with a lot of the “but you seem normal”-BS.
I feel like all my life I have been holding my breath to the point where I nearly suffocated, and now, that thanks to a diagnosis I am slowly learning how to breathe, a lot of people would prefer me to keep holding my breath.
And how about when they diminish your feelings/worries/triggers by saying “Oh but I have that too. That’s normal.” And then five minutes later when you accidentally flap your hands, you all of a sudden are a “total freak”.
Thank you!
I’m lucky enough to have been diagnosed at around 9 years old, but it’s only in the past year or so, and especially since starting university, that I realised there were a lot of things I actually shouldn’t have to put up with. I think it’s because everyone here is just so understanding, and I’m realising that it isn’t and shouldn’t be “the norm” for people to take one look at me and think I’m a “freak” or something.
I totally agree with your point about triggers and stims. Apparently it’s too visible to be allowed in the world of NT-based compliance, but not visible enough to do anything to prevent it (i.e. remove the trigger). So irritating.
I like this article. A lot. I recognise pretty much all of it. And I’d probably add that I’m sick of not feeling able to say that I’m sick of all this because of the anger and judgement that would come my way.
My one minor point is that I am not convinced by the concept of ‘neurotypical privilege’. I’m not sure that neurotupicals as a group are ‘privileged’ and that this is the root of the problem.
Thank you!
“And I’d probably add that I’m sick of not feeling able to say that I’m sick of all this because of the anger and judgement that would come my way.” – YES. THAT. SO MUCH THAT.
I suppose “neurotypical privilege” is that they don’t have to deal with any of the above (most of the time), rather than people expressly and deliberately favouring them.
I am an NT…and I really liked your article. Sometimes people need to be reminded that they’re “well meaning acceptance/tolerance” can easily cross the line into demeaning condescencion. And another thing, don’t ever feel like your blog is set in stone. It’s YOUR blog…write about whatever you want. We’re reading/listening.
Thank you!
[...] A rant about neurotypical privilege by Feminist Aspie [...]
This is excellent. Thank you. Particularly the “learn to cope, but not like that” idea. I have learned to cope, to some degree – the problem is that when other people start to cavil at my coping strategies, it means that they stop working.
Yeah, I know what you mean :/ Thank you!
I agree with everything. But I do wonder about the all neurotypical panel – when you don’t know whether they are neurotypical or not.
Gordon Brown is said to be autistic but nobody knows for sure because he hasn’t been diagnosed and he probably doesn’t want a diagnosis or at least won’t publicise it so we’ll never know.
Whilst it would be good to see autistic people talking for themselves on panels instead of their relatives.
But it is very hard to know whether people on the panel are neurotypical or not. One because I’m guessing there is a lot of neurovariety out there and most of them we don’t have names for yet. With neurovariety, nobody is typical and would be very hard to get a neuro-balanced panel.
Thank you!
I agree, it would certainly be very difficult, especially as many places won’t diagnose adults; in particular, women and girls often struggle to get a diagnosis (because the majority of autistic people are male). And, like you say, some people just don’t want a diagnosis.
Having said that, this problem doesn’t just apply to panels. For example, virtually every book/website/etc about autism focuses on “your child with autism”; there are very few that talk to autistic people themselves.
How true – finding a book about realtionshisp and marriage is nigh on impossible. so many times we nearly broke up simply down to how we use language and not understanding each other.
My husband doesnt want to get diagnosed but between us we are finding our way. many forget aspie children grow into aspie adults.
Definitely. Thank you!
There is also a problem of what is “neurotypical”. I’ve just volunteered to teach adults with literacy (i.e. basic reading/writing, numeracy and computer skills). None of them will be neurotypical. Many people who you might claim as “neurotypical” maybe far from the norm.
I honestly don’t think there is such a thing as “neurotypical”.
Many blogs etc now use “allistic” to mean specifically “not autistic” (but not necessarily NT), and that’s a habit I really need to get into too, to be honest. Regarding what NT actually is, I’d say it’s more about societal expectations than an actual type of person. Sadly, people are still expected to comply to a norm, even though 99% of the time that norm doesn’t actually exist.
Love it, how very true. My husband is an aspie, he didnt know til recently in the 70′s he was just seeen as an odd bod, with a few obsessions.
We find our way together and find the balance between his needs and mine. We do it with kindness, love, laughter care.
Its not all ways easy, I get it wrong, so does he..we are human beings first. I love his logic and world view he loves mine sometimes though i make assumptions and so does he.
Thank you – we are all human just with differences
Thank you!
What an excellent post.
I’m “nt” – at least, I assume I am – and I’m open to the thought that I’m the problem.
Good luck!
Thank you!
I should add that it’s not like all NT people are a problem – such an assumption would be just as bad, in many ways, as the problems I talk about above – just that in the same breath, autism isn’t always the problem either 
I have these kind of days too I HATE it when people assume that I’m unhappy just because I have Cerebral Palsy I use a wheelchair to take me from Point A to Point B it doesn’t mean my life is worse than anybody else’s.
Hey, I’d just like to say that this was really informative to me. I don’t think I’m guilty of any of the grievances you mentioned (but, I mean, what privileged person ever does?), but now I can certainly avoid them in the future. Thank you.